.Wednesday, May 30, 2007 ' 9:30 AM Y
yesterday he called me and told me that he suddenly missed me so much. i was kinda touched cos he seldom said like this to me.. But things are always not as wonderful as i expected. we did had a nice chat on phone at first, but after a while we hang up and chat in msn. Just out of a sudden, it's always out of a sudden, he's frustrated again. i was very disappointed, i can't really express the feelings i felt yesterday. what i thought was not exactly that had happened at all..this afternoon, i called him on phone. before that, i was thinking should i call him or not.. i think again, shouldn't have angry on him about yesterday matter. let bygones be bygones and this is how a r/s would be fine if we give and take. but he sound so... (u_u) i don't know how to say.. after i hang up from the call, i kept telling myself that i shouldn't have call him cos that call makes me so sad. Just now, i went to see his friendster, i saw the shoutout he posted "finally the time has reach, to CKL." i know that CKL is botak. cos i know botak's real name. i begin to worry cos i don't want anything happened to him. i wonder if this shoutout that he posted means he's gonna get into trouble or what. so i asked him in the msn.. he didn't said anything and he said that he told me before already but i forgot, and he asked which fucker told me about this.. he's kinda work up. i didn't told him about how i find out about the matter between he & botak because i know him well, if i were to say that i know because i saw the shoutout, he'll not tell me anything. but if i were to act like yeah, there is somebody who told me but i can't tell you and i thought maybe he'll explain to me. but i was wrong.. he said that if i forgot then forget it and i don't need to ask him anymore cos im being secretive, im hiding something behind my own boyfriend. he said that is just that he and botak are no longer friend, why must i being so concern about this matter so much when it's not a big deal actually. i know what he means.. i know what he mean by all this. he thought that im being concern about botak.. it's alright if he thinks that im a person like that cos all along he gain no trust from me. its wrong being forgetful.. i can never concern about him cos he'll think that im over concerning or rather concerning his friend but not him. i don't know if there's a misunderstanding between us, but all i know is that, his words hurts me. it's so hard.. so hard to let him know about how i feel..
