it's lovee;

.Saturday, June 21, 2008 ' 10:34 PM Y

I just suddenly ain't feeling alright..
I talked to mommy on skype this afternoon,
and the conversation we had affected me the whole day...
We did not quarrel
and it's not about she scolded me or anything,
we were just having a casual conversation,
like how friends share their feelings...
But Mommy said something
which suddenly makes me think that I've made a wrong choice.
I'm sorry guys, I just can't say things clearer
cos I doesn't want anybody to know what had happened.

I'm feeling very lost right now...
I felt very disappointed with myself.
I guess I really need time to figure out what's going on..

Sometimes a person can realised their mistake within a day,
a hour, a minute or even a second.
They just need the right things to be happen..
The right person to be appear,
or the right words to be spoken,
and they can be awake out of a sudden
without really giving a valid reasons.

This few days, dad tried to call me and talk like so sweet to me.
He's now start trying his best to communicate and understand my feelings
But I gave him attitude all the time when he called..
I feel bad, I really feel bad.
I'm touched with what he had done for me today..
Honestly, my dad doesn't knows how to use a computer,
but he try his best to sent me alot of funny videos to cheer me up.
But I just don't know why...
I feel annoyed when I heard his voice.
But after giving attitude, I feel bad.
What the fuck is going on ?
I'm a spoil brat, such a spoil brat samantha.........

Anyway, I promised mommy that I will quit smoking.
I really hope I can do it this time...
Cos I've been lying to her that I will quit since 2 years ago until now.
I felt really sorry... She feels sad I know.
Partly was also because, Thailand's cigarettes are SGD $3 per pack.
What if when I'm back to Singapore permanently?
Gosh, I guess I'm not used to $10plus per pack LOR....

Baby, I miss you, I really do.
I really hope you can hear me..........
much love.

Past few days baby's friend told me that,
he had once told his friends,
he feel stress about what he's gonna wear
whenever he meets me.
Cos he likes casual,
but there's one time when he dressed up casual with me to town,
I nagged at him the whole day.
LOL ok, I remember about this incident..
Cos baby always used to ask me this qs whenever I've met him
"你穿这么美做什么？"
But is when I only wear something casual to me lor... lol
SO I purposely say him back "你穿到这样, aiyo...." =.=
And whenever I'm at baby's house,
and we are about to go out,
he would ask me to choose what to wear for him...
Baby always wanted to wear the same shirt colour as me,
And so accurately that whenever the colour shirt I wear,
those that he can match are only button shirt maaaaa... LOL
He complained this and that,
say that I always choose uncomfortable shirt for him, lol..
Then I'll say "你自己选 LAH...."
And he still end up wearing the one I choose, hahaha...
BUT keep complaining when we were outside !
I really didn't know that this could make him feel stress too..
Baby think too much..
I swear, even if he wear like uncle or ah pek, he's still my baby joker.
But cannot blame me if I nag horrrr :)

loved